SCENE: space station interior hallway. Broken bowstrings, broken primitive wood-hafted weapons and shredded pieces of leather armor litter the floor. Blood globules float almost weightlessly around the room, then gently land and spatter against the walls, painting abstract patterns. Two Purple Crystalline Entity Janitors drag the lifeless bodies of five people toward the airlock.
Purple Crystalline Entity Janitor 1: SO, who do you think these guys were anyway? Like what were they thinking? “Today I’m gonna take my backward-fishing-village-ass up into space and see who lives there. Should definitely NOT be a problem crushing any enemy I run into with my wood cudgel and spear.”
Purple Crystalline Entity Janitor 2: Yeah, they’re all, “‘I’ll bet I can totally maneuver in near-freefall and I’ll totally be on equal footing with whoever lives in space all the time.”
PCEJ1: Somebody should put a sign on the other side of that portal. “DO NOT ENTER. Danger! For REAL.”
PCEJ2: I know, I told the boss that like two million years ago. It’s probably still in the suggestion box. Hold up, plug your nose. (he punches the airlock actuator button and a loud WHOMP is felt from within the airlock. The dead bodies are launched tumbling into space orbiting a blue and green planet). I think the seals are going bad on that door. Always makes my ears pop whenever we have to ice these poor bastards.
PCEJ1: (smirking) The manual says we’re supposed to call them, UV’s. ‘Unwanted Visitors.’
PCEJ2: Wait, the boss updated the manual so we gotta call them UV’s, but didn’t bother to put a sign up on the other side of the portal?
PCEJ1: I know. Did you know Doug used to be on the cleaning crew too? Now he just sits in his office writing emails all day…
PCE2: Yeah, I bet if Doug was the one who had to vacuum up all that blood, he’d get a sign on there by the end of the day.