Real life has intervened so I will try to catch up the last 3 games with this post.
GW 12: Fridge, Gramps and Beyoh missed the game.
GW 13: Gramps and Sally missed the game.
GW 14: Fridge, Gramps and Sally missed the game.
Hi everybody! Wouldzee the owl here. Do you ever get behind? I don’t mean behind like when the food vendor who sells BBQ Rat on-a-stick has a sale and like a million cat people jump in front of you and you start to worry that you will never get to taste that perfect mix of sweet and savory sauce on your favorite rodent… Boy, I’m hungry now.
Hi everybody! I’m back and now I will try to catch up on what we’ve been doing since I got way behind. Boy, that rat was good. I should…focus Wouldzee…
Anyhoo, after we searched around the hippie camp and figured almost everybody had died and stuff, we came back into the Yew and talked with Cassini, that gangster guy who kind of runs the place. He was super worried that those robots were going to come back and take a bunch of people for slaves and stuff and I totally agreed that that would suck. Cassini told us a story about some other robots who’d come to the Yew like 50 years ago or something and they helped clean it up and were generally decent robots and he figured they might still be kicking around and willing to give us a hand with the bad robots. So he told us there was a way to contact the good robots and it was this mechanical bird and it was buried below the city in some kind of underground bunker and he figured we could go down there and get it for him and in exchange he’d give us his truck. Sally wanted more drugs instead of the truck, but we eventually came to an arrangement with him.
So we went underground and we fought some zombies and we found out like half the place was totally flooded with water and stuff, but Sally can breath water now, so she scouted around for John and I. We ran into this guy who was just called “Fish Guy” and he was hurt pretty bad and we asked him what was going on and he said he ran into this monster and it took a piece out of him and he was hiding down here. So I’m going to call the monster Guckgace, but I am only doing it because my niece, who is just barely older than a fledgling, sometimes reads this and I don’t want her to see his real name, but if you replace the G’s with F’s you’ll totally get it. Anyhow, we totally found that monster and kicked it’s slimy tail and we fought some more zombies too. We found a lot of guns and ammo and stuff that would have been really useful in a fight if they hadn’t been submerged in water for the past 50 years. We did find some cool stuff, like a power hammer that Sally took and a chainsaw that Sally was totally going to take, but I made her give it to Beyoh instead and John found some nukes and he seemed pretty happy with them. I found that bird and it was cool and we used it to call for reinforcements and they said they’d be here in a fortnight, whatever the heck that is, but John told us it is way less time than when them evil robots were going to come for slaves.
We tried to think up a plan and John decided we should try to lure the Knights of Genetic Purity into a battle with those bad robots to kind of kill two douchebags with one stone (you’ll notice I said “douchebags” instead of “birds” since I am a bird myself, that saying has always ruffled my tail feathers. Oh, I totally forgot that we found out that most of the hippies had actually escaped being killed before and I was pretty happy about that. And they’d also found Fridge and nobody really knows how or anything, but they opened up an old refrigerator and there he was. I’m not sure if he was really happy to see us again… Anyhow, we took that truck that Cassini gave us since we couldn’t figure out how to steal his nicer truck and drove off.
So I was really excited because John let me drive and we drove back to where we figured those knights would be and this time we paid the coyotes to cross their bridge instead of shooting them and I was glad that Sally had stayed back in the Yew to nurse her hangover instead of some along with us, since she may have started blasting them again. Anyhoo, we stopped at the Forge and got some more ethanol and talked to our friends and then I pretended to be Sally and called up the knights and I made a complete hash of it and went off on them calling them all kinds of names and stuff and they said they were going to kill us and I was like, “You and what army?” And he was like, “The army with the hover tank about 50 miles away!” And I totally remembered that and so I was like “Over and out.”
Anyhoo, we found the knights and they were camped in a valley and we drove our truck to the top of the valley and shined our lights on them and started calling them bad names and stuff and they sent two trucks after us and we were really hoping for more, so we got into this huge fight and totally took them out and got ourselves a much better truck. Then we called them on the radio and were taunting them and stuff and that guy Clasp, who we call “Dickhead, father of Douchebag” said there was no way he was coming out of his safe warm valley to chase us and he said he’d kill us again and John was nonplussed and I’ve always wanted to use that word and we weren’t sure what to do when suddenly we heard explosions and stuff and people shouting, “They’re inside the perimeter.”
So I snuck down the valley and only got shot twice and I found Tara, the dandelion lady, was totally kicking ass along with a bunch of our friends from Liberty and I so wanted to help them out. I snuck back up the hill and only got shot once and told John and Beyoh about it and they were on board for helping out and so I drove our new truck down into the camp as fast as it would go, and I was steering with my tentacles so I could shoot out the window and John was shooting things with his bazooka and Beyoh was firing his pistols, which is kind of weird since he doesn’t have eyes to, but now that I think about how often he actually hits anything I guess that makes sense.
Anyhoo, we caused a lot of mayhem and I am sure I ran over dozens of people while I was swerving around and we eventually ran into this halftrack with a big gun and it was not too far from the hover tank, so we decided to “trade up” and took out the guys in the halftrack and I was totally thinking we could blast that tank with the big gun, but John and I couldn’t figure it out, but I did notice a weak spot on the tank, were the turret and main body meet and I took a grenade and flew over and wedged it in there and it didn’t do a heck of a lot and John had broken his bazooka, so he was blasting it with his plasma gun and he finally threw me his vibroblade and I jammed it in the hole and cut up a bunch of wires and crap and it stopped rotating, but it still shot the halftrack and blew it up totally. So John and Beyoh and I all managed to get up to the turret and John got it open and we jumped inside and fought Dickhead father of Douchebag and a bunch of other knights and we just barely made it out of there alive, but we killed them all and I am not too said about it since these guys are terrible people.
I totally passed out after the fight because I’d pulled a Sally and taken way too many drugs. John took f-o-r-e-v-e-r figuring out how the tank worked and it got banged up pretty bad and then he drove around the camp smashing a lot more people with it. Finally, Tara told him to knock it off and they would “clean up” so we thought we’d better get back to the Yew and Tara said they would come to help out if they could find enough working trucks and stuff to get there in time.