Gamma World 9: What a Long Strange Trip it’s Been

Fridge & Gramps players missed the game.


Hi, I’m Wouldzee the owl and if you read my stories you’ll know that I sometimes get all hopped up on goofball before going into a fight because it makes me a lot quicker, even though lately I seem to normally be about as quick as I used to be on goofball when I am straight and I really scream when I’m on it, and I tried this dope that some lizard man brewed up and I totally tripped and saw things, really mind-blowing things man, but not all drugs are good because Sally took some bad psycho and got the runs and started shooting these coyote guys who were kind of douchebags, but probably didn’t deserve to be killed by a rampaging lady bug. So I better start at the beginning…

The Dandelion lady and one of the groundhogs told us they were going to make dinner for us for saving them and I thought it was pretty nice of them to do that and was a little worried that they should be cooking a big meal so soon after being crucified, but I was also pretty hungry so I kept that to myself and I gave them all the canned food I found except for the olives because I thought John would want them for his martini, but he said he didn’t want black olives in his martini and I think he’s just being difficult now. So while they were cooking the meal this lizard guy came up to us and his face was kind of melted-looking and he told us that he was one of those lizard men that are working for the robots that can make you feel like you are getting mobbed by crows and I was reaching for my Mauser when he said that he wasn’t with those guys anymore and told us how these lizard guys had some kind of a metal man prophet come to them in the dim reaches of time and he had a Helping Friendly Book and I kind of thought it’d be cool to read it and he thought that maybe his friends thought the robots were like this metal prophet guy returned and I am sure I don’t have all the details straight, but you should get the gist of it. Oh, he said he wasn’t buying it anymore and maybe we could talk his friends around or something.

Anyhoo, he wondered if we wanted to take this drug he was brewing up and he called it “split open and melt” and John totally didn’t want to take it, but I figured what is the worst thing that could happen if a guy with a melted face offers you a drug called “split open and melt”? So Sally and Beyoh and the Dandelion Lady and that sensitive artist (whose name I can never remember) all took it and man, we really tripped… We saw this city and it was like buildings emerging from a lake and suddenly the lake started glowing this green color and we all saw this, even though we didn’t know it until later, and Sally saw all these people dressed up and dancing and having a party and Beyoh was in this field and this grasshopper guy was putting mulch all around him and then I saw this huge tree and there was this warrior guy under it with a wolf and the wolf had red eyes and it freaked me out a bit, but I was cool when I finally came down, only I got the munchies and ate all of those olives and they were pretty awful.

So we were talking about this and freaking out because we had all seen the same vision and stuff and this lady tells us that we had seen a vision of The Yew and we were like “no way” and she was all like “way” and she told us that she was from there and it was kind of spilt up between these hippie-no-tech-guys (who we met before) and the Zoopremists, who are like the Animal Liberation Front on steroids, and these guys called the Lab Rats, who sometimes cause the lake to glow green, and there is this mob boss who kind of maintains the peace too and I can’t remember his name. We were totally thinking that we should go there, only there was this army marching on the Forge and then Sally got a call from her boyfriend and he told us that the knights hover tank had broken down and I was all like “a hover tank sounds really scary”, but it gave us time to go to The Yew and see if we could get some allies. Oh, and we also found out that the leader of the knights – this guy named Clasp – has a son named Craw and Craw was in the Yew looking for this stuff called “ice” and I’ve got this vague memory of someone who sounds like the guy who remodeled by nest mentioning it before, but I hadn’t thought it very important, but apparently it is, so I am glad we are on the right track now. So we said goodbye to our friends and some of them said they were going to harass the knights and some were going to try and hold out in the Forge and John took a motorcycle and Sally and I  took our centisteeds and Beyoh and Buddy rode in a cart and I forgot to mention that Sally named her centisteed “Mr. Nibbles” and makes him wear this cute little hat that he doesn’t like and we rode out for the Yew.

We followed this river for a long time and eventually came to a bridge and we needed to cross it to go onto the Yew and it looked like people were living there and we saw these three coyote guys and they were trying to shake us down for some money and then Sally started talking about psycho and they were all like, “Yeah baby, we’ll totally take some psycho instead!” So we asked Buddy to brew us up some psycho and Sally tried a little of it and she didn’t look good afterwards and one of the coyotes gobbled some down and immediately started barfing all over the place and the other coyotes were totally like, “That’s not psycho!” And they were right and suddenly we were all fighting and the coyotes were draining our “life-essence”, as the Dandelion lady would say, and we were all flailing around and I think I was really distracted by the guy who was puking because, like I said before, puking is not that big a deal for owls and we finally killed them and I felt pretty bad about it because we were totally on the wrong side of it and John ransacked their shed and found some domars and some other junk. We started riding across the bridge and more of these coyote guys came out and they asked us if we paid the toll and banged on some metal and their buddies didn’t answer them and Sally started swearing at them and then she totally blasted this guy and I was all like “No, don’t shoot!” But she didn’t care and just kept blasting at them while they all ran away and I felt pretty dirty about the whole thing and thought I should take a shower or something, but I didn’t want to wash the oil of my feathers so I just sulked a lot for the next day or so.

Anyhoo, we finally found our way to the Yew and it looked a lot like our vision and we got a ride to the market and Sally started spending all of John’s money on ammo and she wants to find some pyscho and I want to get over to where the hippies are because that is where I saw this Clasp guy and his wolf in my vision and I am pretty sure he is bad news and we’re probably going to have to fight him and maybe getting Sally some psycho before we go after that guy is not such a bad idea after all…

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