Gamma World 8: Amazon.com is Still Shipping after the World Ends

Fridge’s player could not make it


Hi! I’m Wouldzee the owl and I have an important message about… Well, now that I think about it, I guess I really don’t have an important message this week, we kind of screwed around, made plans, learned how to ride, nearly got shipped to New Berlin, Wisconsin (wherever the heck that is), and… Oh right, the beginning…

Anyhoo, we were all beat up from that fight with Gar Margon (except for John, who hardly had a poisonous butt-quill out of place), so we rested a bit and John was still talking to Buddy about finding olives for his martini and then I figured that Cueball and his gang would probably want to attack us, because they’d totally do some sort of thing like that, so I flew up the top of the church and kept watch while the rest of the guys searched around the compound for Gar Margon’s safe because the Dandelion Lady thought he had a safe with some important documents in it and John is kind of a “big picture” guy and wanted to know what is going on and Sally probably thought there’d be jewelry in it so it was easy to get her on board and Beyoh and Gramps usually just go along for the ride. So they searched around and I heard lots of banging and Sally was cursing a lot, but she’s really terrible at it and it’s actually kind of funny to listen to her try to sound tough, but the long and short of it was she talked to Beartrap on the radio and convinced him not to attack us because we’d totally kick his butt and then she talked the ear off one of those knights on another radio and I think she may have been hitting on him, which is kind of weird because he’d probably freak out if he knew he was talking to a ladybug, and she found out that they were planning on taking over Liberty since the robots had rounded everybody up and that they were going to be at the Forge in a few days and they had like a hundred soldiers or something and we had to figure out a way to stop them, because it would totally suck for us to rescue our friends from the robots only to find that these douchebags had taken over their little town don’t you know.

So we kicked around some plans, but I’m not sure we ever came up with anything solid, but we did figure we should get our friends from that bunker because a lot of them can scramble people’s brains and it’ll really help to have them here scrambling brains if we get attacked and stuff. So Sally and I rode up to that bunker place on a couple of centisteeds and I am totally trying to figure out why they call them centisteeds because they only have eight legs and even Beyoh knows that eight is less than one hundred and I am sure that they had more legs when I was a fledgling, even if it wasn’t a hundred back then either, but maybe they mutated or something. Anyhoo, we totally got our friends back down to the Forge and everybody is cool and has some food and stuff now and we’ve totally done the right thing by helping them out and I think my Mom would be totally proud of me and say something like, “Wouldzee, I am totally proud of you!”

Anyhoo, while Sally and I were out riding, John was poking around the Forge and he found this steel door and he could hear something banging around behind it, but he waited until Sally and I got back before he rounded up the guys to take a look and we knocked, but nothing answered, so we busted in and found this robot packing all kinds of stuff into cardboard boxes. So John says to me, “Wouldzee, let’s do an experiment. Why don’t you move one of those boxes?” And I’m totally like, “Wow, John is asking me to do science!” So I move one of the boxes and this robot freaks out and comes at me with a pricing gun and I am so worth more than $11.99 (especially if it is Canadian money) and then he tried to fold up Gramps so he’d fit into one of those little padded envelopes that make you wonder how a company could justify $10 shipping when the padding really doesn’t do all that much and the corners of you book end up being all smashed and you really wish you hadn’t been such a cheapskate and ponied up for priority instead of media mail because at least it would’ve been put in a box that way. So we bashed the heck out of this robot and it totally went lights out and then suddenly it’d spring back to life and I’m totally thinking, “Wow, what a pain in the tail feathers! Now I know how the guys fighting Gramps feel when he keeps waking up after they pummel him to the ground.” But we eventually smashed it up so bad that it stopped moving for good and we found some cool stuff and Sally has a really nice dress that kind of clashes with the jewelry that she found, but it’s not like many people have good fashion sense around here anyway since most of them seem to dress in old hockey equipment with spikes and stuff.

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