Gamma World 4: Blowin’ Stuff Up

Fridge and Gramps players missed the game.


Hi everybody. Wouldzee the owl here and I want to talk to you about explosions. Explosions are really, really cool, well I guess they really are kind of hot, but I mean they are a lot of fun to watch and especially fun if you are the one that caused them and I totally caused two major explosions all in the same day and you really need to hear about how I did it!

So, we were riding in the back of that truck and I noticed that Gramps was gone and Sally said he’d said something about taking a nap back in the barracks and we totally left without him while he was sleeping and I was kind of sad, because even though he is grumpy, he is our friend and all. I hope a raccoon doesn’t crawl through the tunnel where all those zombies were and bite him because Gramps will totally mash the poor little guy and don’t you think raccoons are kind of cute, with their little bandit masks and stripy tails and stuff? Oh, and John had found a walkie-talkie in the saddlebags of the warthog leader’s bike and he got it working and we talked to this guy named Cue Ball, who really wanted the motorcycles those pig guys were riding back, but we weren’t really inclined to help them out because they are dicks.

Anyhoo, the truck eventually turned onto some railroad tracks and we were like totally minding our own business when suddenly it starts rocking around like it is being hit so we look out the back and see these three guys, riding on sword beetles, are totally trying to pop the tires. Sally convinced them to stop and we got to talking and I totally figured that one of my friends was going to pull out a pistol and shoot one, but we just talked instead and it was kind of nice. These guys are some kind of “save the earth” hippie group and wanted to blow up the truck because it was polluting with its exhaust fumes and I totally said something like, “Won’t blowing this up and having the tires burn and stuff be worse than just letting it drive around for like ten years?” And they we’re all trying to come up with some justification for their actions, but I think they really just wanted to see it blow up and were just too “save mother earth” to say so. We told them that they couldn’t blow up the truck until we found out where it was going to, and I figured “this is where things will go to hell” and even released the safety on my Mauser, but they totally knew where it was going – a place called Prairie Dog Town which is a stupid name since it is built on an island and there aren’t any prairie dogs living there which is probably good because they’d probably drown digging their little tunnels below the water table – so we told them we’d help them blow the truck up.

John scienced up some kind of a booby trap with this old motion detector thingy he found and a bunch of explosive fruit that the hippies had with them and then we all jumped on the back of a sword beetle and rode away to watch the fireworks. While we were riding, this flying drone things comes at us and the beetles burrow into the ground straight away and John and Beyoh went with them, but me and Sally got dumped on the surface and this thing totally opens up with a Gatling gun and shoots Sally and me, but we shoot it back and damage the heck out of it and then, as it is flying away, I shoot it one more time and it totally crashes into the truck and sets off the explosive fruit and the whole thing goes ka-boom!!!  I was totally pumped up and didn’t even mind that, that was the last bullet in my rifle because it was totally worth it and the hippies were really impressed and probably thought I did it on purpose, though I am pretty sure it was pure luck and I’d have only a 1-in-20 chance of ever doing something like that again. Oh, and John tried to take credit for it because of his booby trap, but I don’t think anybody bought it.

Anyhoo, the hippies rode off and told us that if we were ever near their town, Yew, we could totally crash with them because they think we are cool. I was really happy that we didn’t kill them because they were fun dudes, even though the guy with three legs really couldn’t pull off his dreadlocks and probably should have just washed his hair because he kind of looked like an idiot. After they left, we decided to go and scout out Prairie Dog Town since the hippies were pretty sure that the guys working there were bad news. It is totally run by robots, with lizardman enforcers and they are like enslaving people and stuff and they will probably come to Liberty and enslave those guys too, they said.

So we waited until dark and then walked along the railroad tracks a ways to where we could see Prairie Dog Town and it’s all on an island in the middle of a river and it looks like there was an ancient city down there once upon a time, but they are not using all of it and it has a wall around it and is full of robots and lizardmen and stuff so we can’t just charge in there shooting without getting killed.

Anyhoo, we’d just about decided to pull up stakes and head back to Liberty when we hear a train rumbling down the tracks and it’s pulling some boxcars and a couple of tanker cars and it stops at the top of the bluff overlooking Prairie Dog Town, on account of the rails leading down to the town are at a pretty steep grade. So these lizardmen hop out and open up the boxcars and start hauling these people out and the people are all in chains and stuff and don’t look happy and we figure they are going to be used as slave labor in Prairie Dog Town and we see some trucks driving up from the town, so that kind of confirms it. I’m thinking to myself, “Wouldzee, we should probably do something about this because these guys shouldn’t be making people into slaves.” So it’s not too hard to convince the rest of the group to fight the lizardmen, but we got all smart and Sally started doing this suggestive dance and all the lizardmen were like totally staring at her and John was staring too, but the rest of us snuck up and got ready to attack.

I saw their leader and I totally crept up on him and stole his keys and started unlocking people, but then it sort of seemed like Sally and Beyoh and John were getting their asses handed to them while I was screwing around, so I gave the keys to the prisoners and got hopped up on goofball and jumped on the leader guy and was clawing at his eyes and stuff and he tried to scare me with images of getting mobbed by crows, but it only worked for a little while because it was totally night and crows don’t fly at night and I’m kind of a shredding machine when I am hopped up on that stuff and I made short work of him while the rest of the gang started beating down the other lizard guys and the prisoners were busy setting themselves free and stuff. It was pretty awesome and we should have had time for a few high-fives, but John “glass half empty” Smith says those trucks are getting close and they’ve got those tough security robot guys driving them.

So I’m thinking to myself, “Wouldzee, we’re in deep doo-doo if those guys have guns, so you’ve got to think of something and now.” So I looked at the train again, and I saw those tanker cars and then I thought about my matches and then I looked over at John and I knew he’d tell me “no”, so I decided not to say anything and flew up to the top of the tanker and I opened it up and it was gasoline and I was totally like “Yes! It’s not milk or something that won’t blow up.” And then hollered at John to get the prisoners moving and he looked a little freaked out, but he and Sally and Beyoh totally got the prisoners moving and when I figured they’d gotten far enough away I lit a match.

Kablooey! It totally exploded big time and I’m pretty sure it ruined their train and it killed a bunch of those robot guys dead and it probably would have killed me too, but I got even more hopped up on goofball and flew really fast so like only my tentacles got scorched a little, but I’ve had worse sun burns on them, and it was totally awesome and there was no way John could claim credit for it and it’ll probably be the coolest thing I’ll ever do in my entire life and I wish we’d found a camera so someone could have taken a picture because I’d totally like a picture of me doing that.

Anyhoo, I couldn’t sleep after taking two hits of that jet stuff and that was ok because I’m nocturnal and we walked all night to put some distance between us and Prairie Dog Town and I got to talk to a lot of the people who’d been captured while we walked. They were all from some village whose name I can’t remember – taking all that goofball didn’t help. They were like all for going in guns blazing to rescue their friends and stuff, but Sally convinced them that they would probably all get killed and that we should go back to Liberty and figure out what to do next so we are totally going to do that.

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