Gamma World 3: Zombies & Bacon

Two players joined the game:
– Rick the Stick aka “Gramps” is a mutated walking stick
– Click-Chuck (or something like that) aka “Sally” is a mutated ladybug – “No, I’m really a guy!”

Fridge’s player could not make it.

Dear Fridge,

Wouldzee the owl here.  When we woke up in the morning to that big bomb going off and blowing up the Knight’s truck and stuff and you didn’t move, I thought maybe you were just a heavy sleeper, but I poked you with a stick and you didn’t move and then John poked you with his BBQ fork and you still didn’t move and he couldn’t science you back alive either so we figured you had died again. It took us awhile, but we found a nice refrigerator to put you in and I totally hope you are comfortable all crammed in there like that and John said he didn’t like the sound your head made when Beyoh jumped on the door to force it shut, but we really did the best we could under the circumstances. Oh, I took your motorcycle too.

So we followed that big truck for a while and eventually it ran out of gas and while we were standing there we spotted these two bugs on the top of a hill and one of them looked really old and skinny and the other one was this pretty ladybug pushing a wheelbarrow with a big recliner in it and they looked all scared and then we saw these two robots carrying some gas cans walking along behind them and the bugs asked us to save them from the robots. I really didn’t want to get into a fight, so I tried talking Canadian to them, but I’m not as good at it as you, eh? So the robots filled up the truck with gas and then drove off in it and Gramps (that was the skinny bug) and Sally (the pretty ladybug) climbed on the back of the truck and it drove off and we followed on our motorcycles.

Anyhoo, we drove a ways and up a hill to a little place with a tipped over tower and some ransacked buildings and it was all surrounded by a chainlink fence. The robots got out and started filling the truck up with gas from a pump there and then one of them wandered around back and was trying to get Gramps out of the truck (Sally had jumped out earlier), but Gramps wasn’t having any of it and said something about “getting off his damn lawn”. The robot looked like he was going to shoot Gramps and I yelled “Can’t we all just get along?” or something like that and the robot stopped and then Gramps just pasted him with his crutch. Then all hell broke loose and we flailed around shooting and clawing and Beyoh was swinging around his yield sign, but I don’t think he actually hit anyone and Gramps kept collapsing and then getting back up and finally the robots stopped moving and I really wished I could speak Canadian better so maybe we’d stop bashing every robot we see, but I bet even if I was fluent it really wouldn’t help because the rest of the party always seems to be spoiling for a fight.

So we found a security card on one of the robots and Sally (who keeps telling us she’s a guy) tried to use it to open up one of the doors to a building that didn’t look so ransacked, but couldn’t figure it out so John finally got it open and found a hatch that led underground. The hatch was stuck, but Sally had some lubricant and we totally teased her about it, and after we used it we got it open and climbed down and it was like a barracks. We found some food and a laser gun and some medicine and Gramps wanted to take a nap, but Beyoh spied a secret door and so we opened it and it was totally full of dead guys. I really wish you had been there Fridge, because maybe you could have talked to them or something, but they were all like “arrr… brains…” and looking at John really hungry-like, but they didn’t pay much attention to me. Anyhoo, I thought to myself, “What would Fridge do?” So I totally blasted them with my Mauser and gramps was swinging his crutch around and every time we took one out it exploded in green goo and Gramps got totally slimed and was kind of glowing like some of the old bomb craters do by the time we killed them all dead again. Oh, and the tunnel led outside, but we didn’t screw around down there much longer. We figured there might be racoons or something and nobody wanted to risk getting bit.

Anyhoo, I totally forgot to say that before we climbed down I had heard a bunch of motorcycles driving around, but they didn’t sound close, but when we climbed back up to the surface, the little compound was crawling with those warthog guys and two of them noticed us because John thinks he is sneaky, but he really isn’t, and we busted their piggy heads real quick and nobody else noticed it. So we got all smart and stuff and Sally disguised her voice like a warthog and we tricked three more into getting their heads busted. Finally, the rest of them noticed us and we had this huge fight and John was giving people dirty looks and Beyoh was hitting them with his sign and gramps was swearing and bashing guys with his crutch and Sally and I were generally being ineffective until she went totally ape-shit on this guy and screamed at him and called him lots of names that I don’t think I should write down and he ran away crying. Oh, and their leader got all hopped up on goofball and was a real pain in the ass to take out, but we did it and I discovered that I didn’t feel too bad about it, because those guys are dicks and were hitting a ladybug and my mom always told me you shouldn’t hit a lady when I was a fledgling, so they totally had it coming to them.

I better get going, because that big truck started up again and it is making that annoying beeping sound backing up and we’re all going to ride in it to wherever it is going so we can tell the people in Liberty what is going on if we can ever figure it out. I wanted to write in case you came back alive again and wonder why we’re gone and why you are back in a refrigerator and you don’t think you just dreamt everything, like meeting us and stuff, although on second thought it might have been kinder to just let you think that…

Your friend,

Wouldzee the owl


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