Dear Friar Ignatius,
Found meself fallen in with a band o’ thieves and murders I has. Har! That ain’t the worst o’ it. Harbored by the bloody wood elves the be. Bear with me, Ignatius, whilst I brin’s ye up t’ speed…
After healin’ t’ lads, what be sufferin’ some terrible acid burns from that black dragon, we jawed for a time on our next steps. Shai Tan’s younger brother (whose name, for t’ life o’ me, I can’t recollect) told us a tale o’ devil’s walkin’ t’ streets o’ t’ capital o’ Malaam, possessed noblemen and armies o’ press-ganged peasants bein’ sent in conquest o’ foreign shores. T’ be honest, ’tis a solid strategy and methinks old Black Jack be backin’ t’ wrong team. Har! That said, these bastard ain’t brin’in’ about t’ end o’ t’ world in t’ correct manner so doin’ what can be done t’ stop them I be. As an aside, this younger brother has repeatedly declared he has no aspirations for t’ throne o’ Malaam. Methinks he be either a complete fool or much smarter than he lets on. If he plants a dagger in Shai Tan’s kidney I’ll know for sure.
Our plan be complicated and bound t’ fail. Heard tell that Shai Tan’s older, competent,brother be sendin’ an army off t’ attack some poor city t’ t’ west in a couple o’ weeks. We determined t’ head off t’ t’ nearby city o’ Lafely and attempt t’ wrest control from t’ Malaam forces. Meanwhile, Master Khalim and t’ rest o’ me crew goes north t’ bolster t’ defenses o’ t’ other target. Our idea be that we come roarin’ through t’ gate from Lafely t’ Malaam and then destroy t’ gate t’ t’ city t’ t’ west and take over Malaam. By Pyaray, if ye ain’t confused ye should be! Come up with that plan meself after drinkin’ a quart o’ rum. Pretty certain t’ rest o’ t’ group was mostly sober so they’ve only themselves t’ blame when this goes pear-shaped says I!
Rumors we heard o’ a group o’ resistance fighters in t’ woods outside Lafely. Recruitin’ ourselves a few more meat shields for t’ adventure seemed a sound idea. Found us a band o’ thieves bein’ hosted by t’ bloody elves skulkin’ in t’ forest. ‘Tis me opinion these thieves be doin’ what they always done; takin’ t’ title “resistance fighters” t’ justify their banditry. Clever bastards, ain’t they? Anyhow, we got t’ talkin’ about givin’ these Lafely devils a bloody nose and paintin’ t’ picture that they had broken t’ resistance.
Our plan be a simple one. Attack t’ governors manse, kill as many o’ t’ bastards as we can and then retreat in a rout t’ make them think they’d done us a great harm. It went off with nary a hitch. ‘Twas a brisk action all told. T’ lads and I took down a trio o’ bone devils while t’ thieves did their worst t’ t’ possessed soldiers. A pit fiend soon reared his ugly head and we beat feet.
Now t’ waitin’ comes Ignatius and our next attack on Lafely can’t come too soon says I. This elf food be givin’ me t’ runs and their grog be slightly less potent than rat piss. Wish that I’d had t’ forethought t’ loot a barrel o’ rum whilst we be retreatin’ from our last engagement. Alas no…
Black Jack Barcelona