D&D19 – Another near TPK

Dear Friar Ignatius,

Hopin’ this missive finds ye well be I. Again, me apologies for not writin’ t’ ye for such a long time. Truth be told, I’ve been either fightin’ for me life or blind drunk t’ past few weeks; both activities leave little time for settin’ pen t’ paper.

What with Keuset saved and that one-eared elf bastard sent t’ hell, I set t’ lads t’ cleanin’ t’ elf-stink off me new ship, strengthenin’ t’ hull and outfittin’ her with a ballista. We also got a proper figurehead installed on t’ prow. I swear t’ Hastur, t’ previous one were built like a lad Ignatius! T’ lord and lady o’ t’ city were grateful a helpin’ us outfit our vessel. They may come t’ regret their generosity if I survive long enough t’ return t’ me former career. Har!

Our nob sorcerer were itchin’ t’ go see his old bucko in Caazham. Plannin’ a fratricidal coup o’ some sort he be. ‘Tis me opinion that t’ brother (perchance Shai Tan hisself?) be somehow mixed up in all this “Hell on Earth” business. We made port in Caazham in time t’ see a kraken layin’ waste t’ t’ city. Engaged t’ beast, we did and gave it what for. That ugly hobbit disappeared as thin’s heated up, but a wanderin’ orca sided with us durin’ t’ battle. Thought I’d seen t’ last o’ that paladin when t’ kraken hurled him across t’ harbor, but he come flyin’ aft half a minute later! Cursed I be Ignatius and most obliged I’d be if ye’d see fit t’ remove it when I next set eye on ye.

T’ people o’ Caazham be mightily please what with us savin’ them and whatnot. Set us up in style with all t’ rum we could drink. Got t’ figurehead o’ me ship modified t’ spray Greek Fire. ‘Twas fortunate I enlarged t’ “tanks” in Keuset. Har!

This talk about Caazham reminds me… That ugly little hobbit found hisself a ladylove while we be in port. A seamstress o’ all thin’s. Join me in a prayer t’ t’ Tentacled Whisperer that she makes him some pants. That muskrat loincloth he parades around in leaves too little t’ t’ imagination. Poor lass had been cut up somethin’ terrible by a mad bastard in red armor. T’ story tore at me heart strin’s, so I paid her a visit and healed her up good as new. She’s a bonny little thin’ and far too good for that ugly bastard. Hopefully she’ll come t’ her senses soon, but for now methinks she’s hearin’ weddin’ bells. Oh, would ye be so kind as t’ send t’ ritual for t’ nuptials me way? There’s not much call for it in me line o’ work and I must admit I clean forgot it. Best pass on t’ ritual for marriage disolution too. Methinks it a good bet I be needin’ it a fortnight after the ceremony.

This Master Khalim character be in contact with one o’ Shai Tan’s brothers (apparently one who ain’t been summonin’ devils – I’m losin’ track t’ be honest). He proposed a meetin’ be held with him and we made our way t’ t’ appointed rendezvous ridin’ a giant lizard what that paladin summoned. Damndest thin’… Anyhow, as soon as they begin t’ speak, a little black dragon comes up out o’ a nearby river and vomits acid all over yours truly. We made short work o’ him only t’ see his mother come ragin’ up t’ bank a minute later. ‘Twas nearly t’ end for t’ lot o’ us. That ugly little hobbit must o’ hightailed it out o’ thar, but fortunately an elemental o’ air come down and started flailin’ at it. Bloody thin’ might well o’ saved all our lives for I think most o’ t’ party were close t’ death by t’ time t’ battle be through.”

Well, best be t’ work. Shai Tan’s brother just come t’ consciousness and set t’ wailin’ about his acid burns. Suppose I ought t’ see about healin’ him, or at least castin’ a silence spell t’ stop his caterwaulin’.”

Black Jack Barcelona

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