Dear Friar Ignatius,
Please accept me apology for not writin’ t’ ye sooner. Thankee for thy last letter. Hadn’t seen cursin’ like that since we be in seminary together. I take pen in hand t’ brin’ ye abreast o’ recent developments.
We took possession o’ a ship in Kilerth. I know what ye be thinkin’, Ignatius, and ’tweren’t no ordinary cuttin’-out action. T’ ship be crewed by t’ spawn o’ Hell. A bunch o’ lads what be clever in thinkin’ t’ escape that doomed city had boarded t’ vessel and cleared t’ decks o’ t’ imps and whatnot that manned her. T’ lads and I fought our way past some stone giant what were possessed by no less a personage than Noria Azul herself. ‘Twas a fine fight and we put that scurvey dog and his puppet master down after quite a struggle.
Them lads what had taken t’ ship needed a man t’ pilot her. I seen thar be no sense in tryin’ t’ save Kilerth. ‘Twas overrun with orcs and giants and devils o’ all sorts. Methinks I seen cougars slinkin’ into t’ ruins as well, but I can’t be sure. Perchance ’twas mountain lions… Anyhow, that nob sorcerer be all eager t’ get hisself t’ t’ southern continent for some reason or t’ other. Methinks t’ bastard be tryin’ t’ overthrow his brother or some such. Perchance thar’s profit in it Ignatius. I’ll be sure t’ let ye know if thar be.
With precious few options we set course south. This devil-ship handles like a sow in a mud pit, but afore long we spied t’ city o’ Keuset. And none too soon I might add. As ye might imagine devils don’t stock any good victuals. I swear I’ll start worshippin’ t’ moon goddess afore I’ll eat another goodberry! Anyhow, Keuset appeared t’ be under siege. We spied a fat merchant beset by a devil-ship and bore down on them. Them devil’s left off their lootin’ and came at us. ‘Twas quite t’ action and I thought meself rid o’ that half-elf paladin when he fell overboard. Apparently he ain’t fit t’ sail in t’ Tentacled Whisperer’s fleet though, for he be back on deck and layin’ about in a trice. We slew a pair o’ ice devils and countless imps that day, afore we limped into port.
Ah Ignatius, ‘twas a pretty thin’ t’ see that one-earred elf bastard’s ship lyin’ at anchor in Keuset. I knew that me time for revenge be near. We soon learned that this town be under siege and t’ lord (a paladin o’ all thin’s mind ye) be hirin’ any riff-raff t’ help man t’ walls or clear t’ blockade. (Witness he hired our sorry arses later on. Har!) We found their temple o’ t’ sun god and figured out t’ priests have some kind o’ protective field a cast over t’ city. Prevents t’ devil’s from swarmin’ in it does, but t’ people be trapped.
Got ourselves an audience with t’ lord o’ t’ city we did. Desperate he be t’ free up some supplies laid under t’ city, but t’ devil’s had managed t’ summon a great pack o’ hellhounds in his storage closet afore that protective shell be raised. We agreed t’ clear t’ bastards out for him, but I laid t’ stipulation that thar be no repercussions when I took me nemesis Harlan’s life. Har, them paladins talk a fine talk about honor and whatnot, but he seemed quite willin’ t’ let me do murder in exchange for freein’ up his provisions. Well, free ’em we did. ‘Twas a hard fought action mind ye. Twenty two o’ t’ beasts was livin’ in that pit for a week. By t’ Black Goat Ignatius, you can only imagine t’ smell!
Well t’ citizens o’ Keuset be starboardly pleased t’ be eatin’ somethin’ aside from rats and shoe leather. T’ lord was true t’ his word and gave me a crack at Harlan. Poor bastard put up as much o’ a fight as ye may expect an elf to, but I soon broke open his noggin with me hammer. I’ve laid claim t’ his ship as well.
Later that day, Lord Armand give us another mission what was t’ watch a hidden passage and keep it clear o’ devils (and pumas too should they appear) while a team (led by his buxom beauty o’ all people) be out gatherin’ intelligence on t’ besiegers. We done what was asked o’ us, fightin’ off a pack o’ chained devils in t’ process. A brisk engagement it be. T’ ugly hobbit done run off at t’ start as he often does, but three bears appeared out o’ nowhere t’ lend us a hand. T’ six-toed hobbit was rantin’ on about toe jam and I had t’ sudden premonition that we was out o’ grog, it put me off t’ start o’ t’ fight, it did. Enjoyed watchin’ that nob sorcerer bein’ chased all about by a pair o’ them chained devils though. Har!
T’ Lady Armand and her folks done brought aft a strange statue what be reminiscent o’ t’ ugly toad-like thin’ we found in our earlier adventures. They put some kind o’ ward on it, thank Hastur, but methinks brin’in’ it in t’ city may be a grave error. Pyaray only knows what they plan t’ do with t’ bloody thin’, but methinks ’tis time we told them what we knows o’ these thin’s and see if a solution t’ t’ devil problem comes t’ mind.
Black Jack Barcelona