Our paladin has a spell called “Find Steed”. One of the players misheard it as “Find Steve” and things snowballed from there… I wrote up the spell about a week later and was promptly asked to write up “Protection from Steve”.
Level: 1, Range: 10 mile radius/level, Duration: 1 hour/level
This spell gives the caster the location of Steve (bearing and direction) if he is within the area of effect. If Steve moves during the duration of the spell, the caster will be updated as to his new location. If Steve is not within the spell’s area, the caster will still have a good idea which direction Steve lies in. If the caster is not on the same plane of existence as Steve, he will realize it immediately. The spell would allow the caster to teleport to Steve’s presence if he had that capability. This could be perilous. It does not give the caster a picture of Steve’s location or any idea of what condition Steve could be in. Imagine if Steve was suspended in an iron cage above a pool of giant crocodiles. The caster would likely fall to his doom in such a scenario. Steve is an amiable guy most of the time, but the Dungeon Master should roll a reaction check when the player’s first find him. This spell may be cast in a higher level slot to increase range and duration.
Protection from Steve
Level: 1, Range: 10 foot radius centered on Steve, Duration: 1 minute
The caster surrounds Steve with hundreds of animated Cabbage Patch Kid dolls. Steve will be incapable of action for the duration of the spell as he relives a traumatic childhood memory triggered by the dolls. When the spell ends Steve has a 50% chance of being enraged (+2 attack, +4 damage), otherwise he will collapse in tears for an additional 10 minutes. Steve is allowed a WIS save to avoid the effects of the spell.