The Finkelstein Files – entry 1

Here’s Joey Finkelstein’s addition to the game…


That f*ck-stain Yanders. What’s he gotten me into??? I’d better start at the beginning…

So, a month ago I sold him a bag and of course he didn’t have any money… I’ve known him since high school and he’s usually good for it, when he’s not acting like a complete douche-nozzle. A week later, I’ve been calling him and no answer. I cruise by the mall and see Bailey is working his shift. I asked old butterball where RKY is and he says he ain’t showed up for work for days and the boss finally sh!t-canned his ass. I figured the cops must have finally caught up with him for that beat down he gave to the husband of that fat chick he was banging a few years ago.

Then, out of the blue, he calls and says he’s back in town. I picked up a 18-pack of Keystone light and headed over to watch Snowpiercer with him. He tells me this crazy-ass story about saving some goth chick from the Men in Black and a couple of gay guys. Then he starts in on ghosts, zombies, witches, and all sorts of other crap. Did I sell him a bad bag or something??? After that, he says he’s got a new job working at a place called The Estate with that goth chick, Dr. Frankenstein and those dudes.

A week or so later, he drunk dials me from Grand Junction, Colorado asking for directions to the nearest Popeye’s Chicken. I asked him how he got to that hellhole and tells me he’s on a job for this “Estate” place and is driving home from “the mission”. So I think to myself, “Now I get it! He’s been talking about going to that diesel truck driving school for months and he pulled the f*cking trigger. He’s been yanking my chain for weeks. I didn’t think the dude was capable of it.” Tells me he’s going to be back in town in a couple of days so I plan on screwing with him a bit.

I Google up where this Estate place is and Siri gets me over there. I got on a suit and sh!t – trying my best to look like “the man”. This place sure don’t look like a factory, but I figure WTF. Go to the front desk and tell them I’m looking for R. Keith Yanders. “Who am I? His f*cking parole officer that’s who. Now go and get the douchebag, he hasn’t reported for over a week.” Hah, the look on that secretary’s face was frickin’ priceless. She scrambles to get me into this red-head’s office, Katherine Manners (hmm, I’d like to mind her manners…), and I string her along for about 5 minutes before she thinks to ask me for a badge. I figured Kathy’d go ballistic when I started cracking up, instead she offered me a job. WTF???

Now me and regular employment don’t go together, but I really wanted to see Yanders’ face when he found out I was working there too. I was also pretty sure Kathy offered me more money than he was making as a truck driver and that was sure to piss him off! Anyhoo, I go through a bunch of orientation BS and they give me a stack of crap I’m supposed to read (like that’s going to happen). I think these guys are totally, f*ckin’ nuts. They keep talking about some dark energy network and parallel dimensions and sh!t. Now I really like comics and anime and stuff, but nobody really believes in this sh!t, do they?

 

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