The Candy LaAnde Story part 2

As you might well imagine from its name, The Monty Povik Show is a spoof television program. Local college students produce the show with is irregularly broadcast on cable access channel 4. This episode appeared about a month after Candy LaAnde appeared on “Chatting with Cindy Chen”. The Fashion Model Directory (FMD) lists Candy LaAnde’s height as 5′ 7″. Interestingly, R. Keith Yanders driver’s license lists him as 6′ 2″, 243 pounds.


Transcript from the Monty Povik Show

Monty Povik: Welcome back. Our next guest is the amazing fitness and swimsuit model, Candy LaAnde.
<applause>
Monty: Good to see you Candy. May I call you Candy?
Candy LaAnde: No.
Monty: Oh….Kay Ms. LaAnde
Candy: I’m kidding Monty, you can call me Candy.
<laughter>
Monty: You’re a kidder, I like that! Let’s get right to it. I was a little shocked when my producers told me you wanted to be on the show. You have always been more of the private type, shying away from the media. I think the last time you did a talk show was Cindi Chen’s program?
Candy: That’s right Monty. I wanted to talk about weight issues…you know, kind of get it out in the open.
Monty: Good for you! So what brings you here today?
Candy: Well, as some of your viewers may know, I am following the Dr. Smock 28 step program called ’28 Steps To Facing The Real You’.
Monty: That’s a very popular book right now. What step are you on?
Candy: 34.
<laughter>
Monty: So does that mean you finished it and you’re going through it again?
Candy: I wish Monty. I am actually on step 2.
Monty: I think that’s the ‘coming clean’ step?
Candy: Yes it is Monty, and it’s why I am here today. You see, I may have misled some people the last time I spoke.
Monty: How so?
Candy: Well it’s not that I lied, but I left a few things out. I had mentioned that I was pushing 250 pounds at my low point, but it was more like 243.
Monty: I don’t see how that makes much of a difference?
Candy: I know, but I feel like I didn’t properly set the picture. As you know I stand 6′ 2″.
Monty: Yes, you are very tall and fit might I add.
Candy: Thank you Monty. Well my normal weight at this height is 175, and 7 years ago I was way more into the fitness scene. Before I “let myself go” I was a bit higher.
Monty: You were also very busty back then.
Candy: Most people forget that I was a 38 triple G before the breast reduction. That was like an additional 40 pounds right there. All together I was about 225 before I “chunked out” and got up to 250.
Monty: 243.
Candy: The point is, even though I was only about 18 pounds heavier, I still felt very disgusting on the inside.
Monty: Well I think the important part is that you addressed weight issues whatever they may be. And might I add you look stunning right now!
<applause>
Candy: Thank you so much. I also need to ‘come clean’ about something, or should I say someone, else. Last time I mentioned I was sleeping with someone for about 8 months to get back at my husband.
Monty: Dr. Humperschmitz.
Candy: Please don’t mention his name.
Monty: Sorry.
Candy: Anyway, this guy was a total loser. I’m not sure if I could have picked someone lower on the evolution scale if I tried.
Monty: You did mention that person with the GTO.
Candy: Monty, please. As I was saying, even though he was repulsive, he was the only guy that was more interested in a TV after sex… than me. I mean come on, I’m ing Candy LaAnde! I don’t know if it was a little game he was playing or if he was really that oblivious to the fact that he had ing Candy ing LaAnde right in ing front of him! For seven ing years, all I thought about was why didn’t this er want me after 8 ing months?! It consumed my ing nights and days for seven full ing years! He’s like a ing infection that I can’t ing get rid of! I want the ing chance to show this er the lover I can ing be! I ing lost all this ing weight just to show this er that I can rock his ing world! I know you’re ing watching this! You better ing call me!! I can’t ing get you out of my ing head!!!!
Monty: Candy, my God..please
<end of show music starts playing>
Candy: <bleep> you Monty! Call me you little <bleep>!! You better <bleep>……..<music gets louder……commercial>

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