Strange #3: Hell World

Kyle Awerbruck writes:
A newcomer to the Inn, O. G. Wells joined us at the Black Goat Inn. We were just finishing dinner, when all of a sudden we heard blood curdling screams from upstairs and from outside at the same time.  Myself, Wells, Abigail, and Professor Mendal rushed up the stairs to find Elizabeth sitting up in bed in a most unnatural posture.  Her eyes were solid red and she lashed out at us as one of the possessed. I shot her multiple times and this seemed to have no effect on her.  The only thing that was hurting her were the “magic” attacks of my companions.  I spied a chair in the room and broken over her in an attempt to create a wooden stake.  My comrades finally took her down but just to make sure she would not arise again I drove the stake through her heart.  As Abigail and the professor searched the room I decided to head back down stairs and let our host know of the demise of their daughter.  What I saw downstairs shook me to my bone.  Helen, the once cute bar  was in the process of slitting the throat of our inn keeper Aaron over some devilish symbol drawn on the floor in blood.  She had already murdered all the others in the inn.  As the inn keepers blood spewed onto the symbol a terrifying conjuration formed.  A demon or the devil himself was standing before me.  If my bullets could not hurt the possessed Elizabeth what could they do to this abomination?  I swirled around and fled back up the stairs heading back toward my companions when the devilish creature lashed out at me with his trident from hell.  I bolted into the room, spied the closest window, warned my companions of the impending doom headed their way, then crashed through the window leaping to the ground.

I learned later that Skinner and Yanders had headed outside when they heard the horses whinnying.  They rushed into the barn to find the cloth merchants son had joined the ranks of the living dead (his throat was slit) and was clawing at a closed stable.  Yanders flailed at the zombie boy, to no avail, as Skinner attacked.  The lumbering zombie seem to be able to evade all of Yanders swings, maybe the beer, in combination with the outhouse gas, had actually taken its toll on Yanders. Eventually he reverted back to his trusty brick sock and soon he and Skinner were able to dismantle the undead boy.  They found Charlie (the mute stable boy) hiding in the closed stable, the only survivor from the inn.  They heard me yelling and headed back outside to assist.

As I landed on the ground I notice Yanders and Skinner exiting the barn and I yell to warn them about the “demon” upstairs.  Then I see the witch girl trying to sneak away from this place. I rush towards her muskets blazing. Soon Yanders and Skinner also join the fight.  She was very difficult to hit, there was some sort of crow or raven swooping on us every time we tried to attack her.  Then I suddenly realized what his poor, sweet, beautiful barmaid, Helen, has had to put up with for the last year.  The constant pawing from Aaron, the constant wickedness from his jealous wife.  She just wanted to leave this place and get a fresh start on her own.  Skinner and Yanders look at her like she was a hare and they were murderous, ravenous wolves.  I decide to fend off their attacks and try to help this poor sweet girl escape the clutches of evil men.

Back in the upstairs room, Wells, Mendal and Abigail brace for the demon as it bounds in.  During the hard battle Wells is skewered by the demons trident and almost pushed out of the broken window.  Eventually Mendal and Abigail’s mind attacks destroy the demon turning it to dust.  Abigail rushes to the window to mind attack the witch.

Then the beautiful Helen falls to the ground and darkens back into the wicked throat slicing witch.  What the F#%K!!!  I HATE THIS PLACE!!!  We find a wicked pendant on the witch and Mendal is able to destroy it.  We also find a hidden room in the basement of the inn with potions and more books of wickedness.  With Yanders help we make sure all who were killed here today stay dead.  Yanders keeps trying to talk to the stable boy and I don’t think he understands what mute means because he keeps giving me this strange look every time I tell him to quit asking the kids questions, he is mute.

We decide to leave for Newport as soon as possible using the cloth merchant’s cart.

On the way to Newport some lady comes running up to us screaming about her child being lost.  He had told his mother he was going fishing with a friend, but his younger brother reveals that the friend wanted to check out some old abandoned church.  My first instinct is to let natural selection take its course and continue on to Newport.  What is up with these people? I have only been here a couple days and already I would know better than to wander into an abandoned church without backup, are they bind to this world around them?  Heeding the pleas of this woman we head to the church, find the friend in pieces in the trees nearby, get attacked by a bunch of Harpies, kill them, and find the boy hiding in the church.  Did I mention that I HATE THIS PLACE!!

On to Newport….

>LOG ENTRY #13951K
beginning to think this world may not be such a great place to hide. first, we are forced to dig graves for the worthless scum who attacked us on the road yesterday; yanders just has to make sure they wouldn’t “turn” so he starts obliterating their skulls with his flail. god, why? then witnessing an innocent young girl transform into a blood-sucking vampire, a teenage boy with his throat opened changed into a walking corpse; a seemingly innocent barmaid turns out to be an evil sorceress that murdered all her coworkers, and by spilling the blood of aaron, the innkeep, summons a demon complete with barbed pitchfork. details are hazy—call it the fog of battle? but there are images that i can’t shake: kyle trying to smash a wooden chair over the vampire-girl, yanders yelling obscenities that would make a gansta rapper blush, kyle screaming “demon!” and hurling his body out a second floor window, then said demon smashing through the barricaded door and impaling that new guy with its pitchfork, skinner yelling for a weapon, the demon disintegrating to a pile of dust, kyle with an evil glint in his eye attacking his friends, mendal turning the demon’s mind to mush with a spell. i’ve seen strange times and been forced to do questionable things, but it may take some time to erase this stuff. seattle is looking better all the time.

From the desk of R. Keith Yanders:

Journal entry 4573

I was trying to warm up in the Black Goat Inn when this guy shows up with all the dead bodies from the prior ambush attempt. Who does that? I mean, I heard of collecting shells and stones and stuff, but this sick f*!@$er takes it to whole new level. It’s just like the Teavana scalding tragedy of autumn ’06 all over again. It was officially ruled an accident, but Rhonda (three fingers) Jasterbunk still gives me the stink eye every time I walk by.  Reminder: send Rhonda a gift basket.

Duty calls, and once again I find myself on the open air thinking chair. With a little time to reflect, I have come to the conclusion that this Skinner dude sucks (momwould be proud that I used that correctly). The way he went after that guy’s neck was reminiscent of the Sheila E. Gouldferrington first date failure of ’01. I got to keep an eye on that Skinner dude. Reminder: Send Sheila a gift basket.

What the hell is all that noise……….?


Journal entry 4574

OK, you are not going to believe this s&@#. I hear the horses from the stable making all kinds of noise, like they are witnessing the most horrible, unnatural, disgusting scene imaginable. I run there fully expecting to find Kyle and Skinner, but instead there is some zombified kid looking to mix things up. My plan of keeping this thing occupied while Skinner terminates his sorry a$$ works like a charm.

We head towards the Inn when this crazy a$$ witch comes out, looking all like… I’m gonna get all up in your grill and s&@#;  and then ….well….  I’ve seen some weird s&@# before (like the time Joey Finkelstein and I were hanging out in his basement getting high and watching QVC), but this…… Kyle comes crashing through the 2nd story window, arms flapping, screaming something about “semen” or “demon” at the top of his lungs and lands with a thump. The chick hesitates to evaluate his mental capacity and then promptly proceeds to make him her b!#ch for the rest of the night. Reminder: Stop smoking weed and return the stuff from QVC.

After this whole thing is over, there is nothing but dead bodies man. I don’t think anybody from the Inn is alive, except for the stable boy… who Kyle tells me that he thinks he is “cute” (hey who am I to judge right).  The kid is shaken up because he is not saying a word. After a couple rounds of “what’s the matter?……cat got your tongue”, Dr. Mendal tells me that he is “mute”. Ah… that would explain a lot! Reminder: send Kyle a gift basket.


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