Fridge’s player could not make it.
Hi, it’s your friend Wouldzee the owl here and since I was in the neighborhood, being as we totally took out those Knights of Genetic Purity, who had kidnapped the Dandelion lady and one of those groundhog guys, I thought I’d check to see if you had gotten any less dead and wanted to hang out with us again, but you still looked totally dead to me and the inside of the refrigerator we stuffed you into kind of smelled like bad sushi, so I figured that I’d just write you a letter in case you got less dead later and wanted to know what your old friends were doing.
So we sold some of the motorcycles back to those warthog guys and their leader, Bear Trap, told this other guy, Cue Ball, to follow us because he wants to get the rest of his bikes back and we’re not really into helping him out with that. So we started walking towards the Forge because we know that the Dandelion lady and one of those nice groundhog guys, they brought us dinner when we were back in Liberty screwing around with the ruptured oil pipeline, had been taken prisoner and we kind of liked those guys and the Knights of Genetic purity are total dicks and they’d probably kill them and stuff, so they totally needed rescuing. Anyhoo, we’re walking towards the Forge, like I said, and Bear Trap calls us on the radio and asks us if we are going to the Forge and we’re like “yeah” and he’s all like “no way” and we’re like “way” and he’s like “you’ll get killed by this dude name Gar Margon and I won’t get my motorcycles” and we’re like “so?” and eventually we make a deal with him and he says that Cue Ball will create a diversion at 2 AM so we can sneak into the place and release our friends and we’ll give them a motorcycle or something. Oh, and somewhere along the way we found Gramps too.
John said the Forge looked like a real tough nut to crack and I know about cracking tough nuts, because when I was a fledgling my mom used to have me crack nuts for dinner, with my giant beak, on account of my dad throwing out the nutcracker we used to own, the one that looked like a soldier with a bad under-bite and its eyes kind of followed you and was just generally creepy. Anyhoo, the Forge is basically a walled off section of an ancient town and it had these spotlights on each corner and automated machinegun nests and there was this sniper up in a church bell tower and we figured that if we just ran up there we’d probably get cut down by the machineguns, so John and Sally came up with a plan to have me sneak inside the compound and cut the power to the spotlights and machinegun nests. So 2 AM comes around and this big explosion happens and Gramps wakes up and asks what we are doing and Beyoh says he hadn’t been paying attention when they made the plan and even John was getting ready to shoot somebody and draw attention to himself, but I totally stuck to the plan and popped a stim and sneaked up to the compound and got inside without anybody seeing me.
John had told me to cut the power, but he didn’t give me anything to actually do the cutting, but I thought I’d figure something out once I got inside and I totally did, but first I had to shoot the guy who was on guard duty next to the spotlight, because I tried to push him over the wall, but he didn’t fall and he started yelling for help and called me a demon and I guess I can see his point what with the tentacles and all and then he pulled out a gun and so I took a goofball and popped a cap in his ass and he totally fell of the wall. Anyhoo, after I shot that guy, I blasted the spotlight and then this other guy across the street opened up on me and I flew over there and blasted him and then I picked up his sword and tried to cut the power line like John told me, but I got a bad shock, so I dropped the sword and shot out the spotlight instead and then I shot the machinegun so it got stuck and then I saw my friends running over towards the wall and then I got shot by that sniper and it totally hurt, but I sucked it up and flew over there and he had a laser pistol and almost killed me, but he didn’t so that was pretty cool and let him have it.
I saw my friends had got up onto the roof where I’d blasted the first spotlight and they were fighting with some knights and those guys were all yelling something about a “ghost tree” and Gramps was screaming “get off my lawn”, which was kind of weird, and I didn’t recall that being part of the plan. So I looked around and I saw a gas station and I thought about my matches, but then I thought to myself, “Wouldzee, you should stick to the plan. The Dandelion lady is totally depending on you.” So I stuck to the plan and I spied this building that I figured might be a good jail and I flew over to it and searched it and nobody was inside and then Sally came in and she broke down a locked door with her sledgehammer and we saw it was a jail, but the prisoners weren’t there any longer and I thought I could track the Dandelion lady by following those little white floaty things from her head and when I did that I noticed they led back to the church and the rest of the guys were still screwing around half way across the compound and so Sally and I ran over to the church to free the Dandelion lady.
We opened up the door to the church and I almost hurled, which as I’ve mentioned previously is not that big a deal for owls, because the knights had crucified the Dandelion lady and that nice groundhog who brought us dinner and Gar Margon was there in his power armor with a scary-looking gun and there was this egghead priest guy screwing around with some kind of device and I was thinking that these guys are total douchebags and they really took it too far this time and I sure wish that Gramps or John or anyone except Sally was here with me now, because Sally can’t hit the broad side of a barn with her gun. But we opened up on them and got into this huge battle and I was hiding behind Sally for part of it and I think that I was on fire for a little while too and Sally kept missing every shot and I wasn’t doing so hot either and Gar Margon’s armor kept absorbing my bullets in its force field and eventually the rest of the guys showed up and Beyoh threw rocks at first, which didn’t seem very effective, so he switched to his Yield sign, which didn’t seem much better, and John was giving them dirty looks and Gramps waded in there swinging his crutch around and occasionally taking a nap and I almost died again, but we finally killed them.
The Dandelion lady and the groundhog were really messed up, so we got them un-crucified and tried to heal them up and John did some science on the device that the egghead was working on and he told us that it was a tactical nuclear device and Beyoh and me looked at him funnily and then he explained that it was a big bomb and then he made explosion noises for Beyoh so we all got it. Apparently we were all this close (imagine me holding my talons really close together) to evaporating in a mushroom cloud and John saved us by totally melting that priest with a dirty look. I think he just said it because he really wanted Gar Margon’s plasma rifle, but since he is the only one smart enough to use it we’d have given it to him anyway… John thinks we can use this nuke to take out the robots at Prairie Dog Town and that the E-M-P might disable them and I know John is always spelling things out for me and Beyoh, but that’s only three letters and I still don’t get how an “emp” can take out a robot, but I am too embarrassed to ask him about it now.
Anyhoo, I sure hope you can get less dead soon and if I find some time, I’ll see if I can move your corpse to a bigger refrigerator that doesn’t smell as bad.